Which Gummy Bear Should I Eat? (Lessons in self-trust from a six-year-old’s Halloween candy)
Since Halloween my six-year-old tears open a little packet of multi-colored gummy bears and spreads them out on the table most nights after dinner. She then asks, “Which one should I eat first?”
Though a benign enough question on the surface, and while I usually play along with all the things with her, I won't bite.
I say, “Hm, I don't know, since I'm not in your body. Which color or flavor are you most drawn to start with?”
Because I want to nurture her ability to turn inward and sense into what she wants from the inside out based on her own internal cues.
To help her develop a solid sense of center within herself that she comes to have faith in as the first and most reliable place to turn when she needs to make a decision in her life.
To grow her trust, in micro ways, that it's safe for her to do what feels right for her despite what voices around her tell her they think she should do.
To help her become adept at hearing her own quiet internal voice of wisdom even amidst loud external chatter.
But I stay right beside her while she sweats through a bit of discomfort in not knowing what she wants at first.
I anchor in the steady faith that she's capable of tuning into herself and making choices that are right for her from the inside out until she can hold that trust for herself.
This is the essence of the magical alchemy that transpires in coaching sessions.
I, often to the chagrin of my clients, don't take the bait when they try to outsource their wisdom to me, asking me what I think they should do, looking to me for some black-and-white, one-and-done answer to solve some problem they're labeling within themselves.
I let them know I can't tell them what feels right for them because I'm not the one inside their body, ask them what they're noticing within themselves, and then sit with them in spacious, loving, nonjudgmental presence as their system starts to settle into this possibility that they just might be able to trust their own wisdom more than the advice of someone outside themselves.
This safe, empathic witnessing is where the magic really sparks.
In feeling deeply, truly seen, being allowed to fully have our own internal experience, and being granted the permission and space to arrive at our own decisions at a pace that feels right for us from the inside out.
Because so many of us, despite the good intentions of our caregivers in early life, didn't receive this kind of consistent emotional attunement, space-holding and external trust in our capacity to make our own best decisions. So most of us have some work to do to grow that muscle of tuning into and trusting our own inner voice.
The good news is, that muscle is absolutely buildable.
If you're feeling called to grow that trust in your own inner wisdom, that's what my Self-integration coaching work is all about. Reach out to chat about possibilities together.
Lots of Love,