When To Push Through vs. When To Give Yourself a Break
I'm writing this when I would usually be working out.
My standard weekday morning routine involves walking my daughter to school followed by a Peloton ride and weights in our garage.
This morning I put my workout clothes on before school dropoff as usual and went to the garage afterward as usual…
But as I looked at the bike I felt an internal energetic wall.
Even the thought of riding felt like sludging uphill through mud.
My internal feedback was just a clear “Nope. Not today.” Which brought to mind the theme of this note:
How do we know when to push through versus when to give ourselves a break?
Otherwise put: Where's the line between self-compassion and self-indulgence?
Exercise is generally a non-negotiable for me, particularly in this perimenopausal phase. It contributes in a massive way to clear thinking, regulation, smooth sleep, access to my intuition and empathy, and just feeling good.
So regardless of how I feel about starting on a given day, I virtually always make the choice to get on the bike. I just don't allow my mind room to wriggle out of a habit that I know to be wellbeing-nourishing on so many levels.
Even through a week of moving-through-mud-feeling days (again, hello perimenopausal roller coaster) I'd been sticking with the program.
But today when I really paused and tuned into myself, rather than following the routine sheerly out of habit, my mind didn't tell me I didn't want to work out.
My body gave the clear energetic cues that it was a moment for rest and repair.
When I slowed down enough to really check out what was happening internally, the shift in external action felt clear.
And a choice like that — a shift in behavior based on clearly tuning into what feels needed within ourselves — is a self-compassionate choice.
But here's the thing:
We can't act compassionately toward ourselves until we first attune to ourselves.
And by self-attuning, I mean to pause; turn inward; and get curious about:
What's happening inside me right now?
To meet ourselves where we actually are, rather than where our mind things we should be based on how things “usually” go.
To allow ourselves to have our actual experience (whether we like it or not).
And to ask ourselves with genuine interest and care:
What am I needing right now?
And to then meet that need in some way.
In my case today, the need for a less rigorous physical activity day became clear after I scanned my internal landscape to notice just how brightly my interoceptive cues were actually flashing, telling me to slow down and restore.
Once that need to mellow things out became clear in my awareness, tending to that need felt like a no-brainer.
For me today that looked like skipping the workout and taking a long walk instead; sitting with a heating pad on sore back muscles as I work; being hyper-intentional about setting myself up for the best night of sleep possible tonight.
And not shaming myself for not “pushing through” or guilting myself for “being lazy”.
Self-compassion is often confused as being just soft and sweet.
And it absolutely is infused with warmth.
But self-compassion is largely about simply not adding unnecessary suffering on top of a normal but painful human moment.
It helps us not pour salt (suffering) in our wounds (pain).
So when you're not sure whether this is a moment to push yourself forward with discipline or to ease up on yourself:
~ Pause to scan your internal landscape.
~ Notice the energy and sensations inside your body: “What's happening inside me right now?”
~ Ask yourself: “What am I needing right now?”
And follow your body's cues from there.
If you'd like to take a deeper dive into what self-compassion actually is and how you can nurture it in some simple, practical ways, you can check out the YouTube video I made for you here.
Lots of love,
Melissa
PS - If you’re curious about exploring these themes in a personalized way, be in touch about 1:1 coaching possibilities.