How to Turn Pointless Suffering Into Purposeful Suffering
I've been noticing a theme with some of the quotes I've shared recently that seem to really be resonating with people:
The theme of truth-telling.
Of being willing to stay with moments of discomfort bound up with our old (small self) conditioning for the sake of the expanding wisdom, compassion and freedom of our highest Self.
Of bringing what was previously unconscious (unseen, unacknowledged, un-understood) above the line of conscious awareness where we can work with it.
Of being willing to take a clear-eyed look at what's really happening in reality so we can address it head-on rather than stoking and prolonging suffering with delusion, distraction and denial.
The theme of leaning into purposeful suffering rather than perpetuating pointless suffering.
Because while our mindfulness and self-compassion practices help us dial back suffering in profound ways in our lives to be sure, the reality that suffering is a natural part of the human experience is the reason we practice these practices in the first place.
So it's not a question of whether we'll suffer (and by the way, if the word "suffering" doesn't connect with you, just think of any tension, stress, agitation, struggle, or gnawing sense of not-enough-ness or discontentment you notice in your life).
It's only a question of whether that suffering will feed our highest Selves and set more ripples of kindness and love into motion into the world, or feed our ego and unconscious patterns in ways that perpetuate the endless cycle of suffering.
What determines which path we go down and which grooves we deepen is where we place our intention and our attention.
Once you see with clear eyes just how much pain some of your previously un-investigated patterns have been causing you unconsciously until now, you have a choice:
Do you choose to keep doing what you've been doing even when you know it causes you or others harm or keeps you stagnant and frustrated?
Or are you willing to take a step in a new direction even if it feels uncomfortable at first (which it will)?
We humans tend to resist change for fear it will be too hard.
But if we zoom out and take a truly honest look at how our less-than-helpful unconscious patterns are playing out in the overall experience of our lives, reality reveals itself:
That being perpetually at the mercy of our unconscious patterns actually causes far more stress in the long run than grounding our feet, tapping into some courage, and facing the real life cause and effect consequences of our thoughts and habits - right here, right now.
When we take a clear-eyed yet compassionate look, the mind starts to consider the possibility that, Hmm...maybe investing some energy into creating some more useful new patterns could actually be easier, not harder, than staying in my "comfort zone" in the long run...
From that space of clear-eyed seeing we can get curious enough to start investigating the cause and (ripple) effect of our thoughts, words and actions in our lives.
We become more willing to step up and take responsibility for our own inner experience regardless of what circumstances life throws our way.
If we just keep unconsciously riding our reactive habitual patterns, our suffering will be pointless and perpetual.
But the moment we choose to bring conscious awareness and nonjudgmental curiosity to our inner struggles, they become purposeful in propelling us to our next level of growth.
Clearly seeing the patterns that are causing us suffering is the starting point to freeing ourselves from those patterns.
And the more freed up we are from our own inner struggles, the more energy, attention, love and kindness we have available to extend into the world.
So if as David Richo so beautifully puts it in his wonderful book How To Be An Adult, "What we are not changing, we are choosing," what unhelpful beliefs or habits have you been slightly less than consciously choosing until now?
And now that you see the suffering those patterns have been causing maybe a little more fully here in the clear light of day — with no judgment, blame, or shame required — how would you like to proceed from here?
Change happens one bite-sized step at a time. Don't worry about how long the transformation takes. Just keep taking steps in the direction you want to head.
Lots of Love,