How to Turn Jealousy Into an Ally

I've come down with a virtual version of comparison-itis recently.

There's a female coach out there who I'm kind of...well...cyberstalking.

I have a total love-hate relationship with her (in my mind, of course, having never actually met her).

I can't not look at her posts, even when they annoy me.I read her blogs even when I don't want to.I scan comments from her adoring fans while downplaying them: "Pshaw, that wasn't that profound."

I interrupt what I'm doing to thumb through her pictures, all the while judging the selfie saturation.

It's like a car crash. I know it's going to make me feel crappy to look, but I can't seem to look away.

I came across a song lyric recently that gets at what's going on with my envy energy suck (from an unexpectedly wise source):

"But jealousy is just love and hate at the same time."

The truth is, I want something she's got. That's why I'm fixating.

There's something about her I love, but part of me hates that part of her because it fears I'm not capable of manifesting that same quality within myself.

When we view jealousy from the perspective that what we see out there is something we not only don't have now but believe we may never be able to have, it is a nasty beast for sure, and can leave us feeling petty and guilty.

But there's a much friendlier way to view jealously:

As a reminder that what you see in the person you're jealous of is something you want to turn the volume up on in yourself.

Jealousy gets us so stirred up because we really want what that person has (we love it). It's something that's important to us.

And we hate them for it only because we fear we might not ever be able to be that (cool, pretty, stylish, successful, funny, smart, thin, adored, loving) ourselves.

But you know how you have the strongest aversion to the negative qualities you see in others that you most want to ignore in yourself?

Well the same is true for the positive qualities you covet in other people. Both reactions are about some quality in yourself that you haven't yet fully owned.

The reality is, there's nothing in anyone else - positive or negative - that you don't have the potential for in you.

If you're able to see it "out there", it means you have some version of it "in here". You're just not working it yet.

Having a jealous moment doesn't make you a bad person.It makes you someone with a brilliant opportunity to start giving more air time to aspects of yourself that are calling for attention.

Jealously is a clue guiding you toward greater wholeness.

And as with every emotion, you can choose to use jealousy (and step into greater freedom) or to resist it (and prolong your suffering).

So what would shift if in your next jealous moment you asked yourself:

What quality do I admire in them that I've been ignoring in me?

What traits in other people get you spinning on the love-hate ferris wheel?

How have you been downplaying those qualities in yourself?

No need to view any of them as good or bad. They're all just raw materials adding to your foundation of wholeness.

So what if you decided, from this moment forward, to be grateful to the people you're jealous of for inspiring you to bring some under-owned qualities of yours into the light of day?

Here's to you and your green-eyed monster becoming good buddies. She's actually pretty cute once you get to know her.

Lots of Love,  

Melissa

PS - I unfollowed my cyberstalkee this week. Time to get my eyes back on my own paper. What's one action you can take today to get back in your own lane?

PPS - If you enjoyed this post, thank you for passing it along to someone who might get a boost from it.